I have fallen in love with an "internet celebrity", a young man named Chris Crocker (simply gorgeous). Even though I have always been heterosexual, being sexually and emotionally attracted by women and never by men, I must admit that I find this Chris very beautiful, and I genuinely wish to be with him. He is apparently outspoken, sensitive, highly intelligent and openly gay (see his numerous youtube videos). Even though his appearance is quite elegant and feminine, and intentionally so, I do not know why I would suddenly find a man to be desirable to the point of wanting him as a lover, I who generally find men to be rude, repulsive and best avoided.
Achilles was bisexual, as were many heroes and gods of Greek myth. Perhaps the unnecessarily brutal ending of my relationship with Manon has affected me more than I thought, and perhaps this is an essential yet lost part of my true nature returning into play. Life is but a game after all, from the point of view of the gods and the enlightened, a game motivated by love, love of ourselves, of others, of the game itself.
And I should not forget about Patroclus, the lover of my past Self. I believed him to be my best friend Francis in this life, but he is merely a friend whom I now rarely speak to. Perhaps there is another Patroclus in this world, waiting for me to find him. Perhaps it is this Chris Crocker, he certainly seems to resonate strongly with me.