First, a new effortlessly mind-blowing article by the Wrong Way Wizard: My brain suddenly feels too small after reading this, I should upgrade to Quantum 8.0
Now, an idea I've been entertaining for a while: I think Comet Holmes may save the world from the New Holy Roman Empire. You see, the Jesuits and the Vatican are planning to turn Saturn into a Second Sun, using the nuclear reactor of the Cassini space probe. This is known as the "Lucifer Project", and its happening THIS AUGUST, only 6 months from now!
The tremendous waves of nuclear radiation from the newborn (or resurrected) star will reduce the world population to more manageable numbers (and, ironically, all of the chronic smokers will survive, because cigarettes protect against nuclear radiation by leaking out metallic elements from the human body; this is very bad when its light metals that we need like iron and zinc, but its very good when its heavy metals that kill us like uranium and plutonium. What, you thought they wanted you to stop smoking because they actually cared about your health? They just wanted you to die like everyone else when WWIII and Saturn blow up!), UNLESS... some giant ball of plasma deflects or absorbs most of the radiation coming towards Earth. Some giant ball of plasma that appeared out of nowhere and that keeps growing, and growing, and growing...
Who sent that thing anyway? Am I the only one reminded of the movie "The Fifth Element" here?